Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
