Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
