he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
