I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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