It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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