2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
