Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
