i barfeds in our rink
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
