He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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