this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
