I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
