i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
