I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
