I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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