Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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