I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
