Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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