whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
