That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
