For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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