Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
