he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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