I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
