I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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