He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
