Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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