So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
