I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
