He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
