I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
