I wanna passion pit in your ass
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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