its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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