How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
