Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my being single is dangerous.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
