So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
