When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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