I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
