You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
