dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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