Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
someone owes me an orgasm
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I didn't notice because vodka
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize