Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
