Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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