I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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