I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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