so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
