this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
