So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize