Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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