I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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