I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
