i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize