I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
