Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am one with the molecules
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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