Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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