She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
