I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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