Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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