I'm eating all of the evidence.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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