They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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