do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
