Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
