If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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