Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
