I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
