i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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