it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think my fart just growled at me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
