I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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