You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
