What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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