dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
