guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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