this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
40s are totally the cure
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
