you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
