and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
