I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
