My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize