I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
