I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
