Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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