apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
