Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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