after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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