it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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