I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
