you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
