i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
