yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
