Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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