toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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