living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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