im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize