Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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