His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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