just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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