i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
