I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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