She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
YAS. BRING CRAB.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize