I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
