No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
