I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize