your room smells of hookers.
And success
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
