Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize